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andrea lost her Aunt rio to cancer in 2004

Tita Rio,

It's been so many years since you've left us. I remember the car ride home the next day, from San Francisco to LA, not a single word was spoken. Lots has happened since you've been away, but most of all, I think you'd be most interested to find out about your kids.

Ali married a wonderful girl; she reminds me so much of you. She loves him and stands by his side like nobody I've ever seen. He is very well, a kind person with a big heart who loves his family. He has a son now, born just one day shy of your birthday, Leon.

Claudia came to study in LA and before then, I hadn't seen her in years. I practically had to force her to come over, but once she came, I could never get her to leave. She was so young when you died, and she was so quiet when she was little. I had spent so much time playing with her when I came to visit you, but I never thought she even knew or cared. One day, she said to me, I don't remember much about that time, but I do remember being with you. I love her dearly, you can't imagine how I love Claudia. She graduated from college last year, I wore your ring to her graduation so you could be there as well. She did REALLY REALLY well. She’s passionate and motivated and kind, you’d be so proud of her.

Jaime, Jaime is and always was your court jester. He still makes us all laugh uncontrollably and his wit and impeccable comedic timing is straight from you. He said something to me that broke my heart. He asked me if I could still remember your voice, and I said, yes, I could never forget, and he said, I don't know what she sounds like. I’ve spent the least time with him, but when we’re in the same country, he makes time for me, he’s helpful and endlessly sweet. I adore him now as I did when he was a little kid. I wish you got to know him as he is today.

I have two boys now. Sometimes, when It’s quiet, I still find myself wanting to tell you stories about them and end up crying at the thought that you'll never know them, but even more so that they'll never know you. You were always my favorite aunt. I loved spending so much time with you and I questioned everything that I knew to be true when you died. We all feel you when you make your presence known. We all miss you every day. The pain of losing you hasn't gotten easier, but we're all better at living with the void. Your presence is always felt, but your absence is known.

We can all still laugh telling stories about you, how funny you were and how bitchy you could be. You’re with us always, we know you are and I will never stop hearing your voice in my head teaching me exercises on how to grow my boobs—it didn’t work. I love you more today than I ever have in my life and I miss you even more than that.

Andrea Hawken lives in Los Angeles with her two sons and her husband. She is the owner and creative director of Field Guide Los Angeles.