Marissa Rascon
listen
Marissa lost her mom in 2010 when they found her at her desk at work where she went over the weekend and had a cardiac arrest due to an unknown family heart gene
Mom,
There's so much I need to say - it's so hard even 8 years later to know you're gone forever. I'm so so so sorry for everything! The last time we spoke I was complaining about money and sometimes I think that it's all my fault, that you were at work and that's where they found you. Was it really me? Were you so overwhelmed by providing that it hurt your heart? Or did you know you had the family gene? I don't know if I can handle the real truth, because either way no matter what - you were alone! And that is what pains me to my core. I think nowadays now that I'm not as much of a selfish child, how much I would spoil you, take care of you spend all my time with you because I want to shower you with all the love you deserved and wanted.
I'm a mother now! Your grandson's name is Jacob, he is the most beautiful silly, smart little ball of fire and sometimes he talks to himself and I hope that it’s he's talking to you. I know you were watching over me because sometimes I hear your voice, kinda like the holy spirit except a little more scolding ha. I understand you so much now that I'm a mom and it's too late, by the time I even had a chance to really know you, you were gone! All I ever wanted was a relationship with you. And I know all the things we went through was because you were righting your own battles, you were a mom, hard worker, volunteer and friend taking care of your family and putting God first. But who was taking care of YOU !? No one! I can't imagine the things you were struggling with, the burdens you were carrying alone to protect us. I wish I could go back, I would in a heartbeat! But I don't think I would know god like I do now that he's all I got.
I never understood the meaning and power of "laying down your life" until you were gone and the veil was lifted up off our family and for the first time in our lives we saw each other. We talked, we shared, we sympathized - we understood each other. Especially dad, he says it should have been him, and at first that's what I felt. But you were ready, your heart was ready. and even in death you still hold our family together. What a powerful woman you are! So small and petite but never wavering, self-less, strong and God fearing!
I hope to see you again in my dreams we haven't seen each other since the last time you visited me. I sure could use your wisdom, because I am having a hard time. It's so hard being a mother without you and I know Jessica needs you too. You should know she's sorry for everything she said and is the best crazy mother to your grandkids. Isabella, the first one was our saving grace in the perfect timing. David brought all our silliness out. Luke is the one we need watch cuz he's so smart and Eva completed us.
There's so much going on with Felipe, he could really use you right now. He's taken over as mom and Dad and yet still not a dad. He feels the most guilty, can you knock some sense into him, I feel like it's hard for us to do it, but I know you can.
Marissa is a believer, mother, wife, director and lover of community. She hopes to unite people through the art of filmmaking and heartfelt conversations. She thrives off worship music, shoulder time, belly laughs and good food. reelradfilms.com