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Jaimie’s fiance, Wade, died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism in 2014

Dear Wade,

I'm writing you this letter from the place your heart most desired and was never able to go. Sitting in the sand as the waves crash in front of me on the California shore I can't help but wonder what life would be like if you were sitting here next to me. I actually wonder that often.

The last four years without you have shaped my life so profoundly. I feel like I'm two people - the person I was with you and the person I've grown to be after. The first version of my life stopped the day you left too soon.

The new me has broken down, broken open, and broken through in every way. Grief has changed me, it's shaped me. It's made me stronger than I ever realized I could be and at the same time, it's softened me. It's forced me to face off with my fears and see the world with so much more empathy and compassion.

I started writing this letter thinking there was a part of you I'm still holding on to that I needed to let go of but now I see that it's the part I get to promise to always keep.

You're not just a part of my story, you're a part of my path. Every day I carry your love and passion for life with me as a guiding light in my world.

My heart still breaks without you but I want you to know that I'm okay. I'm actually more than okay and I owe much of that to you.

This hasn't just taught me how to survive - it's taught me how to live.

Sending you all my love,

Jaimie

Jaimie Johnson lives in Iowa with her dog Sophie. She's channeled her grief into coaching and helping others move through their own challenges in life at findingaurora.com.