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Rebecca lost her dad in 2005 to a heart attack shortly after she got married

Hi Dad,

It's been over ten years since I've said that! I think about all the time and still wish I could pick up the phone to tell you even the stupidest mundane thoughts in my head.

There's so many things I wish I could tell you. Mostly... the kids are alright :)

Nico is married and about to have a little boy. They're going to name him after you :) Nico's happy, works hard and plays hard, he's kind and generous...a man that you would be proud to call your son.

Coleman and I have two kids now too. Boys, ages 7 and 10. They never got to meet you but they know all about you. You're such a major part of the family and they call you grandpa Yale.

They know about how your dad left turkey and travelled through ellis island alone as a little boy. They know about how he then earned enough money to send for all his siblings. They know that rose got turned away and spent her life in Cuba. I promise to take them to these places one day and look everyone up.

They know you had a motorcycle and liked to ride through the canyons. They know that you were great at building things and they want Coleman to put a hammock in their bedroom like the one you put in mine. Rylo often says, "I wish grandpa Yale was here so he could build me something."

Rising them has been the joy of my life, but it's hard on the easiest day and stirs all up kinds of emotions in me. I wish I could ask what parenthood was like for you.

I wish I could ask you about politics. What would you have thought about The Obama's? What would you think about Donald Trump and his fucking birther movement and Helsinki and Charlottesville and tender age detention centers, his fucking wall!!! You became more conservative as you got older. I want to talk to you about why.

You argued against me in our debates about politics, but you made me stronger and more educated and prepared to talk to people with divergent opinions and I'm so thankful for that.

Your death came out of nowhere and shook us up a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. It changed me. Forever. It made me feel like bad things could happen at any minute and I'm borderline afraid of everything now! But it also showed me how strong I am, how strong our family is. How much we love each other. How important forgiveness is, not just in death but in life. I forgive you for everything and I thank you for the lessons.

The sadness of your loss is always with me. It still feels tragic and unfair and the pain will probably always be just below the surface. But like I said, we are ok. I am ok. Because i don't just carry the sadness. I also carry all the greatness and the memories of you that make me smile. And when I see things that make us think of you, it's like you're right there. Like when someone plays a Paul Simon song, I feel you sitting right next to me In the car, singing into your hair brush.

I miss you and I love you. Always.

Rebecca is a photographer with a background in social welfare - www.rebeccamizrahi.com